Two weekends ago, the Boston area Arthur Murray Dance Studios gathered together for a dance showcase. Students from each studio performed routines with either their teachers or with other students as their partners. Each performing couple had spent the last 4 weeks preparing and practicing to make sure the performance is just right.
It was fun to watch and see the creative expression of the dancers. Plus there is so much high energy in the room. While couples dance, the audience cheers them on. Just about everyone in that room has taken dance lessons at some point in his/her lives so it’s a very supportive group.
Even though there is such a supportive and empathetic audience, most of the students still get quite nervous and if they make any kind of mistake in their routine, many are so hard on themselves. I see this happen time and time again. And it used to happen to me too when I was taking lessons years ago. In fact, there were times I would get really upset and furiously angry with myself if I messed up.
But through the years I’ve learned that these dramatic experiences were a reflection of how I lived my life. And ultimately they were based on beliefs I had about myself. Once I changed these beliefs and patterns, my dancing has become much more enjoyable; I hardly ever get nervous anymore; and I’m much happier than I’ve ever been.
So what did I change?
- I stopped worrying about what I thought everyone else was thinking or saying about me. Because in truth it was not about what others thought about me. It was really about what I thought of myself. I was judging myself. So I learned to let go of judgment and just be myself.
- I learned that I had nothing to prove. I realized that I was already worth it so I didn’t need to beat myself up if I didn’t get it ‘perfect’. Besides, what is perfection anyway? For many of us, perfection is not clearly defined. In fact, the target keeps on moving so that we never quite reach it, which then just proves to ourselves that we’re not quite enough. It’s a case that you’ll never win. It’s unfortunate that many of us have been conditioned to base our self-worth on how well we do, how successful we are, how much money we have, etc. that we spend most of our lives trying to prove we’re worth it.It’s time to stop. So accept yourself as is. And.. if you still want to strive for perfection… make perfection about having fun no matter what.
- And so this became a priority for me – having fun no matter what. Before I could only be happy if I performed perfectly, or if my peers liked my dance performance, or if I ranked high in the competitions, or whatever. It was all conditional. Now I choose to be happy unconditionally.
In summary, the 3 keys to being happy are:
- Allow yourself to be you. Love yourself for who you are now.
- Stop trying to prove yourself. You have nothing to prove. You are already valuable. You are already magnificent.
- Decide to be happy. It’s simply a choice.
Take some time to let this sink in.
How would your life change if you made these 3 simple changes?
I would love to hear your feedback.
Nat
